Stop the Generic Messages. Thank People Personally. ©

Think back to when you were dating. Or if you're dating now, this will be easy for you. How would you like to receive a note from someone you just started dating that says, "Hello friend. If we dated recently, thank you. I appreciate your time. Our relationship is important to me. Best wishes." And even worse, the note is not addressed to you personally, but rather to ten people, and it has a photocopied signature at the bottom!

Think this is far-fetched. It's not. People do this all the time. When you "go generic" with your messages to your customers, colleagues, and friends, you're sending the same type of message: I don't really care that much about you. Whether you intend to or not, this is the message you send.

I recently sent a birthday note to a former colleague. We had previously worked together in the same company. My note was personal, it acknowledged what he was currently doing, and it asked him to tell me more about a recent success. Two weeks later I received a "Dear Friend" form letter from my colleague thanking anyone and everyone who had wished him a happy birthday.

Three months ago Dawn and I went to a birthday party for a classmate of our four-year old little girl, Eliana. We brought a nice gift, just like most of the other parents. As we left the party we were a given a party favor with a note that said, "Thanks for any gift you brought today."

Two weeks ago at a conference where I spoke, I helped someone resolve an issue. Two days ago I received an email addressed to ten people saying, "Thanks for the help you gave to me at the conference. I appreciate it. Sorry for the mass email."

What do these three examples have in common? First, there's nothing wrong with this "generic" approach to expressing gratitude. The individuals in each example realized that something good was done for them. This is important. Many people miss this first step. Second, they chose to acknowledge the individuals who helped them. They simply chose to "go generic."

So, what's the problem? Each individual missed an opportunity to strengthen a relationship. Here's what generic messages communicate, "Thanks for your contribution to my life, but I'm too busy to let you know personally what you did, why it is important, how it benefited me, and why I value our relationship." Generic responses are as personal as an automatic email from a company that says, "Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, we will not be able to respond to your email personally. We are focused on other priorities that demand our attention."

People often assume that you save time by sending a generic message. They're wrong. It takes just a few extra minutes to send personal notes versus going "generic" en masse. If you don't believe me, pull out your stop watch next time.

And if you ask experts in personal relationships, leadership, or professional networking, they will tell you that your investment of time in providing specific, timely, and personal feedback will pay great dividends to your relationships now, and in the future. Thoughtful expressions of gratitude are always important relationship building blocks.

Take a few extra minutes and "go personal" with your thanks and see the difference it makes to you and the people in your life. It will help you be a better leader, a better friend, and a better spouse.

David J. Pollay is a syndicated columnist, and an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader on how to apply the science of Positive Psychology to business and life. A former leader at Yahoo!, MasterCard, Global Payments, and AIESEC, he now runs The Momentum Project. Mr. Pollay holds a Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and an Economics Degree from Yale University. Email him at david(at)themomentumproject.com, or call 561.265.1165.