A birthday gift to myself

Every year, I do something nice for myself on my birthday. I try to choose something that will have a positive impact in my outlook for the rest of the year. Sometimes my birthday gifts to myself seem silly, like the nose ring I got a few years back. To me, though, that was something I'd always wanted but never had the courage to do. Getting my nose pierced fulfilled a teenage fantasy and made me feel young and brave again.

On another birthday, I gave my two-weeks notice to a job that made me miserable. Although I had no other prospects, I gave myself permission to take a risk and try for something better. I found a new job on my first day of unemployment, so my birthday luck must have been working for me.

Sometimes my birthday gift to myself turns out to be a simple luxury, like a haircut I didn't give myself or a pair of shoes I would have otherwise deemed too expensive. No matter what I choose to do for myself, I try to make sure the effects of my action will make a positive impact on my outlook for the next year.

This year, I've decided to start keeping a journal. Journaling has never come easy for me. After all, I don't really want to read about what I ate for dinner last night or what I wore to someone's party, so why would I want to write about those things? My previous attempts at keeping a journal usually tanked after a week or two of concentrated effort.

Throughout high school and into my first couple years in college, I would try again intermittently. Whenever I read back, though, I marveled at how self-absorbed and boy-crazy my entries seemed. My impressions of my journaling attempts were anything but encouraging.

I had a professor toward the end of my college years that made us all keep "writing journals." It was a little easier to keep up with that, especially because part of my grade depended on it, and it's still a habit I keep up today. When I have a story idea or the perfect sentence floats through one of my daydreams, I write it down.

Still, that's not the kind of journal I think I need. I want to keep a journal just for me. I want to write about things that happen on a daily basis for no other purpose than simply recording them. But I seem to have some sort of mental block about that kind of intensely personal, go-nowhere kind of writing.

Realizing my weakness but determined to find a journal model that works for me, I did some research on alternative types of journals. Apparently, major booksellers like Barnes and Noble have recognized that people like me have trouble keeping traditional journals, and they have started stocking books designed for people to keep track of specific things such as reactions to movies and restaurants. Not a bad idea, but I don't see journaling about every movie I see for the next year benefiting my emotional health.

I was still looking for a deeper alternative—a journal I could really sink my teeth into. Then I hit upon Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book. The Pillow Book this Japanese lady-in-waiting kept around 1000 A.D. was her version of a personal diary, but it is still regarded as one of the best accounts of upper-class life in medieval Japan.

Shonagon described scenes she witnessed that moved her, but sporadically and only when she felt moved enough to do so. What she and her diary are really known for, though, are the extensive lists she kept. Under categories such as "Things that remind one of past lovers" and "Things that cannot be compared," Shonagon's lists ring with clarity and beauty while tapping into universal human emotions.

Her lists still move readers today precisely because she understood what makes us feel. The important thing to me is not that her personal diary became so famous, but that she made something beautiful just for herself and did so on her own terms.

Until I find my own pattern for a journal, I've decided to keep a pillow book. I'll write about things that touch me, but I won't bother to chronicle my daily activities. And I'll make hundreds of lovely little lists just for me, starting with this one: News Stories that Make Me Smile.

1. Firefighters rescue kitten from tree.

2. Local artist takes risks and achieves critical acclaim and success.

3. Trusty pet rescues family from blazing inferno.

4. Organic grocery store opens in neighborhood.

5. Peace achieved in international hotspot.

6. Employer offers living wage and benefits to newly unionized employees.

These are the things that are worth recording.