The rarity of true friendship

Holiday gatherings of friends and family together permeate our lives this time of year. Beyond the festivities, it is also an opportune time to reflect upon our relationships.

Friendships are relationships. A couple will share a deep relationship which, when simplified, there exists a friendship. Likewise, a pair of best friends will share a friendship that, in context, serves as a meaningful relationship.

Friend can be a word that is overused. Everyone has acquaintances, but few people have real friends. True friendship—even among family members—is rare

In a lifetime, there will only be a handful that you will share a true friendship, but frequently, pseudo-friends and acquaintances are generalized as friends.

True relationships are rare. Treasure them, express gratitude for them, and endeavor yourself to be a true friend. If you purge false friends from your life, you will find that you genuinely appreciate those who honestly care about you.

Here are a few way to judge whether you have a sincere friendship with someone. True relationships entail:

Sharing

The two joyfully share, as opposed to looking for what they can gain. Friends and family who truly care, value you for who you are—not what you have nor how you can benefit them. Both are teacher and learner.

Happiness

One who truly cares is happy when you're happy. They are not in relationship to give themselves happiness but to help you be all you can be.

Faithfulness

Those who try to please everyone can never be faithful, or as Aristotle wrote, "A friend to all is a friend to none." Many compromise their values in order to have friends. They feel an emotional lack and seek to fill it in the company of others. Such weakness of character makes it impossible for them to truly be a friend. They haven't the strength of character to be faithful to someone they call "friend" because their weakness seeks approval of everyone. Time and its facets of experiences will prove whether one is truly faithful. Until adversity is experienced, one may not know whether a friend will be there for them and vice versa. True love, in any relationship, takes time.

Truth

The relationship is based on truth—no exceptions. Deception is often rationalized as kindness, but friends must base all actions and speech upon truth. If one cannot be trusted to behave in complete honesty in the "small" things, neither can they be relied upon in serious matters. Truth is the most loving gift we can give those we say we care for.

Strength

True friends certainly appreciate being together but feel no sense of urgency or need to be in the other's presence. Though they enjoy time spent together, they do not need to have it in order to value the relationship because both are whole, strong, fulfilled individuals.

As George Washington Carver expressed, "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

This holiday season, examine your relationships to sort the true from the false. Celebrate the joy of true friends, and give each of those rare individuals the gift of a handwritten note of appreciation from your heart.