 (Stock Photo/Andrzej Burak) We’ve all heard the old clichés—“love is in the air” and “love is a many splendored thing.” But guess what? They’re true and it is—love does, in fact, “conquer all” and “make the world go round.”
Love stories for the new Millennium
By Rhea Wallace
HappyNews Citizen Journalist
FEBRUARY 27, 2006 Looking for love is an integral part of the human condition, an ambition we strive for every hour of every day, whether we are aware of it or not. Most of us dream of true love and the perfect fairy tale romance, complete with a Prince Charming or Princess Aurora. We long to find “the one” that will complete us so we can live happily ever after.
But what is the best way to find love, and should you look actively or just go about your business and let it happen? To gain some insight into love and romance in the 21st century, I interviewed friends and family in long-term, committed relationships to find out how they met and fell in love. Can we expect to find love through the same avenues as in the past? Or are there new ways to ride off into the sunset?
That’s What Friends Are For
Oddly enough, my entire family, including myself, met their spouses on blind dates arranged by friends. My parents were introduced by another couple at a New Year’s Eve party in the late-1960s and have been married for 40 years this April.
“It was love at first sight,” confessed my Dad. “I suspected [I was in love] when I found myself standing straight up on the shoulders of my very tall friend grabbing balloons for our dates.”
After a few dates, he spent a large percentage of his small, part-time pay check on a dozen roses for my Mom, and the rest, as they say, is history.
“Many differences and fights later, I couldn’t live without her,” he admitted.
Both my sister and I were set up by my best friend Shawnie. My sister, Tracy, had several things in common with a male friend of Shawnie’s, including being a vegetarian, so it seemed worthwhile to get the two together.
“I had been on a blind date a year or so ago and had been set up by the same person, so my expectations weren’t high. But then, it was really tough meeting men working nights at a hospital for women, so I was willing to give it a try,” said Tracy.
Buck too was a little reticent about another blind date. “I have probably been on 9 or 10 blind dates in my life—all of them disasters. But I am inspired by the persistence of the cartoon character ‘Wile E. Coyote.’ Had the cartoon series continued, odds are that he would have eventually caught the roadrunner.”
So Buck and Tracy decided to go for it and were rewarded with a match. At their wedding, Buck made a very romantic toast to his new wife, “You know you are in love when you cannot imagine your life without the other person.”
My love story starts with Shawnie also. One night Shawnie and I were at a loose end and decided to visit her cousin and his next door neighbor John. This was the first time I had met either one of them, and I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone special. I was very attracted to John—he was tall, slim and blonde.
Although it was nighttime and November, we all piled into the old Toyota and headed for the beach to go kite flying. We finished up the evening walking on the beach hand-in-hand and later took a ride on the top deck of the bay ferry, cuddling close in the cold wind. I really liked him, but when he asked me out on a second date, I declined, playing hard to get.
To make a long story short, we flirted off and on for a year or so at various parties and get-togethers. Although we both went on to date other people, it was obvious there was definitely something between us. He ended up moving to Los Angeles, and it was at that point that he started writing me love poetry. Then, one dark and rainy Sunday night, when I was up late cleaning my apartment, there was a knock on the door. John stood there, soaked through and smiling; he had driven all day and night from Los Angeles to tell me he loved me. He proposed on his knees at an art opening on the following Valentine’s Day, and we’ve been married for a lucky 13 years now—still very much in love.
As for Shawnie herself, she knew her current husband in high school. He was the little brother of her best friend back then. “Over the years, I saw him from time to time and we became friends too,” said Shawnie.
On the rebound from a bad first marriage, it was Arthur who was there for her as a friend and confidant. “He helped me fix a bunch of things in my apartment and became a great listener as I sorted out my broken marriage and the responsibilities of being a single mom,” she revealed. They started hanging out together regularly after that until she realized that he was perfect for her and all that she had dreamed of for her future. They were married in 2001 and are still going strong.
Love in the Workplace
My sister-in-law Sharon and her husband Greg met at work, both starting a new job on the same day. “She was strikingly beautiful and seemed to have a wonderful sense of humor,” said Greg of their first meeting, while Sharon reminisces, “He was looking at me kind of goofy across the conference room table." The couple discovered that they had a shared interest in sailing and started going on weekends with their new boss, who played Cupid.
But having recently been through a stressful breakup, Sharon was not looking for love or ready to start something new. She told Greg, “No more boys,” and Greg replied, “I’m not a boy, I’m an alien.” How could she argue with that? The pair grew closer and closer. “Soon I realized that there was nothing I wanted to do without her,” explained Greg.
School Crushes
My friend Ray met his wife Jean in college, at a party thrown by their Residential Advisor (RA). They ended up talking all night and making plans to see each other again.
“Our first date was a mess,” said Ray. “We tried to go and watch a movie, but my car ran out of oil and smoke started pouring from the engine.
“It was actually kind of romantic,” Ray admitted, despite having to walk a mile or so to purchase a case of oil. That one chance encounter at school brought this couple together for 10 years and counting.
Chances Are
A chance encounter also brought my friend Ellen and her husband Marc together. Ellen, like so many others, had just broken up with her boyfriend and had resigned herself to no dating for awhile. But ironically, it was at this time that love found her.
On her way home from work one day, Ellen disembarked from the bus to walk to her car waiting in the “Park and Ride” lot. Apparently, Marc had seen her several times while doing the same thing himself, but this time, had steeled himself up to ask her out. He had planned out his approach and said, “I have been reading a book and it says if you don’t ask then you will never know. So I was wondering if I could ask you out to dinner.”
Understandably, Ellen was a little wary, but since Marc was dressed nicely and spoke politely, she gave him her work number never expecting him to actually call. He called and they began dating.
“After a couple of weeks, I knew this guy was different—a real gem. When I finally quit looking, there he was,” revealed Ellen. Marc and Ellen have been married for 7 years now.
The Starbucks Phenomenon
It’s no secret—Starbucks coffee houses are everywhere, on just about every corner of every city. At the turn of the century, they have become the hot spot to meet up and hang out with friends and even make new ones.
As part of her morning routine on the way to work, Laurie, another sister-in-law, would stop for coffee at Starbucks, getting to know the quirky staff and regulars that frequented the place at that early hour. Scott was always there drinking a latte and working on his laptop.
“I was attracted to him and intrigued by him the moment I first saw him,” said Laurie. Like Ellen’s Marc, Laurie decided to speak to Scott, thinking she had nothing to lose. “My strategy was to ask him about his computer, since I wanted to eventually purchase one,” she said. After speaking a couple of times, Scott began to watch for Laurie and eventually asked her out on a date. They have been together ever since.
Another friend, Trey, met his girlfriend at Starbucks. Working downtown, he frequently escaped down to Starbucks for a quick break and coffee. Melissa, who worked in the same building, often did the same, and the two found themselves in line next to each other several times. Naturally, Trey struck up a conversation with Melissa, saying, “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” Corny as it was, the line worked. He asked Melissa out and they have been dating for over a year now.
Internet Dating
Chatting online and dating through the internet are fast becoming acceptable ways to find love in the new Millennium, although, admittedly some are still wary of this new medium. However, I know several couples who have successfully braved this new frontier and are now happily married.
Crissy, like Shawnie, met her first husband at a nightclub. Both were married for about 5 years, but a difference in long-term goals ended both relationships. Frustrated and looking for love, Crissy decided to try the internet one Saturday night. She began by sending a message to a very attractive guy named Chris. Chris didn’t reply right away, so Crissy thought he wasn’t interested.
“It wasn’t until that next Monday that he sent me an instant message (IM) and our cyber relationship began,” said Crissy.
“I saw Crissy’s profile and thought she was way out of my league. When I got an IM from her, I was kind of shocked,” admitted Chris.
The two talked online for months, intimately revealing feelings and past experiences that would have been hard to talk about in person. When they finally met for the first time, Crissy said, “It didn’t really feel like a first date. We clicked in person just as we had online and over the phone.”
The two are now married with one child from Crissy’s previous marriage and three little ones of their own. “That first date has lasted for 5 years now,” pronounced the ever-romantic Chris.
The Best Way to Find Love
As far as the best way to meet and fall in love, everyone has their opinion. Internet dating may not be everyone’s scene, but it is definitely an ideal approach for some.
“I think the internet and personal ads are a good option for busy city people and working professionals,” said my sister Tracy.
Crissy and Chris, who met through the internet, agree. “Online dating took a lot of the pressure off. You can create a profile explaining exactly who you are and what you are looking for. Chris and I had a chance to become friends first,” explained Crissy.
Ray, on the other hand, acknowledged that online dating may be a good way to meet people, but he believes that meeting someone in person is so much more special.“[Online dating] seems to reduce people to statistics and thumbnail photos.”
Most of the above friends and family are in agreement that the best way to meet someone special is through family, friends, school, work or shared interests. “I think the way we met [through work] is typical of our generation … we work too many hours and are too absorbed in what we do to socialize with anyone else,” said Sharon.
Her spouse Greg agreed, “It is good to have a partner that understands the kind of work you do.”
Tracy likes the idea of meeting through friends and common hobbies. She explained, “Sometimes we are attracted to the wrong people and it takes friends and family to see who might be good for us and point them out.”
Shawnie also believes the best way to meet someone, now and in the past, is through mutual friends. “I think friends know you best … the expectation being that you at least begin with some interests in common. Having known Arthur’s sister for years made starting a relationship with him much easier as we got to skip past a lot of stuff,” she said.
“And then there’s my Dad’s good advice: ‘Always accept a blind date—what can it hurt?’” said Tracy. “Either it works out or you have another funny story to tell.”
So what is at the heart of all these love stories? I think it is this. Look everywhere and nowhere, because eventually, just like in the old days, when you least expect it, love will find you.
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