Laughable signs

While I know the state and businesses spend great deals of money to post signs to keep us safe and well-informed, I suspect that some have been posted solely for my amusement.

I can't seem to drive anywhere anymore without spotting a sign that makes me laugh out loud. While I know the state and businesses spend great deals of money to post signs to keep us safe and well-informed, I suspect that some have been posted solely for my amusement. I've even developed associations with some of the more common signs, like private jokes in a one-way relationship.

One of my all-time favorites is the "Men Working" sign posted on freeways to alert drivers to construction zones. Now I know the general idea behind those signs is to make us aware of the people doing construction so we don't mow them down with our speeding cars. But right about the time my foot starts tapping the brake pedal, I'm getting images of the Village People (particularly the one in the hardhat) hard at work, just like the video for "In the Navy."

While I'm perfectly aware that construction workers come in all shapes and sizes, as well as both genders, it tickles me to think of sweaty, well-built men wielding jackhammers and bulldozers just so I can drive through "Men Working" as if I'm on safari or in a natural history museum.

"Bridge May Be Icy" fascinated me as a child because it seemed like such an out of place warning on a balmy summer night. It didn't occur to me that certain road signs are permanent, even if the conditions which spark them are not.

I spent many perplexed hours in the backseat of my parents' car, wondering how on earth ice could form at the top of a bridge in 90-degree weather. When my scientific mind failed to come up with an acceptable solution, I was angry that nobody bothered to take down the signs in the summer. If there is no chance of the bridge being icy, I reasoned, the signs were false advertising. And my mother taught me very early that false advertising is the same as lying. I still smile at how my literal mind worked as a child when I see those signs.

The reason I'm thinking so much about funny signs is that a local bank recently posted a giant banner across their drive-through teller lanes that reads: "For Faster Service, Please Stay in Lane." Usually, when businesses post signs that give ridiculously obvious instructions and admonishments, it means they've had problems with customers not knowing the right thing to do.

But how does a person leave his or her lane in the bank drive-through? The big, concrete pillars and complicated machinery dividing the lanes would keep even the most intimidating SUV from lane hopping at will. Perhaps people's lane-leaving is more complicated than that. Perhaps people send their money into the tubes and then drive away, as if bestowing random presents on the bank staff. Of course, when they come back to no money in their accounts, the staff has to explain that like so many others, they may have left their lane mid-transaction.

My favorite fantasy explaining the presence of this mysterious sign is that on a sunny day, people begin their transactions the proper way-in their cars and in their respective lanes. Mid-transaction, though, the beautiful day and prospect of meeting new people compels them to exit their cars and start milling around together. Soon, someone pulls a picnic basket out of her car and another person breaks out a bottle of wine. Children blow bubbles and businessmen loosen their ties. Meanwhile, the bank staff is mystified at the impromptu party and has no idea how to process anyone's transaction.

Something about a gem of a sign like that can make even the nastiest traffic jam seem not so terrible after all.