Select Entry- Brenda C Hupp, Age 55

Welcome to our Optimistic Essay category. Here you will find the $1,000 winning contest essay, 5 finalist essays and 15 honorable mention essays and a growing list of hand-picked select essays that readers submitted during our "Why Are You Optimistic About the Future?" contest.

I am optimistic about the future because I released all my doubts, my fears, and my grief. I have moved into a new cycle in my life. Permit me to explain…

My recent troubles began with my favorite uncle's untimely death in January of 2000. He was my mother's baby brother, and the last of her siblings to pass away. His death was an incredible shock for my mother…and because she and I were so close it was an emotional blow for me as well. Mother and I frequently reminisced about him and talked of how difficult it was to believe that he was actually dead. He lived far away, so we only saw him a couple of times a year…that made it a little easier to lose him.

In November of 2001, my only sibling, my sister, died after a long bout with lung cancer. She was barely 60 years old at the time of her death. Although she was nine years my senior, she had always depended on me significantly more than I had ever relied on her. I had no idea how much I needed to be needed by her until she was no longer here, thus her death left an unexpected void in my life. Surprisingly and sadly, her death also distanced me from her children and grandchildren.

In November of 2002, I lost my vocal cords to throat cancer. In addition to the laryngectomy, I underwent a tracheotomy. Although I lost my ability to speak, I have learned to talk with the aid of an electro-larynx. I sound robotic and lack social confidence due to this handicap, yet I'm elated that I am able to communicate. The loss of my vocal cords together with several other major health problems, forced me into early disability retirement. Consequently, I also lost forty percent of my income, my career, and the self-esteem that goes along with being a contributing member of society.

In August of 2003, my sweet, dear little mother passed away. She was 85, had numerous medical issues, and had been gradually losing her quality of life over the course of the prior 15 years. My mother was my biggest fan… she was the only person ever to truly love me unconditionally. And, I cherished her just as much as she did me! I miss her terribly, and will miss her for the remainder of my life, yet it was a blessing in many ways for her to move on into the next level.

Several months later, in March of 2004, the love of my life, my significant other of more than 16 years died. Even though we chose not to legalize our relationship with a wedding, he was my husband in every other sense of the word. He was truly my life partner and my constant companion…he took such good care of me after my throat surgeries! I feel tremendously blessed to have shared so many loving years with him. He was 26 years my senior, and had lived a long, happy, and successful life…but knowing that does not ease the pain of losing him. His absence in my life leaves a void that is indescribable.

After all of these happenings in my life, a close friend of 25 years decided to sever our friendship over political differences. Not long after, another close friend I'd had even longer, chose to minimize the multitude of feelings I was experiencing. Ultimately, it became too painful to continue to have contact with her.

My father died when I was a child, so with my mother and my sister gone, I lost my entire birth family. With my significant other gone, I lost my chosen family. I now have no one to care for…I did not fully realize what a caregiver I am until I no longer had anyone to nurture.

I used to be a daughter, a sister, a life partner, a respected professional in my community, a co-worker, a person who talked normally, and a financially secure individual. All of that disappeared in just a few short years. In so many ways I lost my identity. However, with therapy and anti-depressant medications I'm on my way back to "normal." And, on New Year's Eve I attended a Burning Bowl Ceremony at a Unity Church. At that service, I released the countless feelings I've been dealing with for the past few years. I just let go…I wrote the feelings and problems on a piece of paper and dropped them into the ceremonial burning bowl. I said goodbye to those troubles…and, said hello to optimism for a brighter tomorrow.

After clearing my head of my troubles, I recalled that a wise person once told me that our lives cycle in seven-year periods. I had my 55th birthday last September, thus began the eighth cycle of my life at that time. It is interesting how my ability to heal seemed to coincide with that birthday. My life is on the upswing. My troubles have been burned and my new life cycle is in progress. I know that I have so much for which I give daily thanks. It is interesting how living through significant loss can make one appreciate all of life's blessings. All of this is why I am optimistic about the future.