My How They Grow

I am looking forward.... while trying to walk backwards (and really trying not to trip) I am the happy mother of five terrific children (sorry, young adults). My oldest was 2 years old when our triplets were born and then five years later our youngest son was born. We have a wonderfully full, brimming, busy home- and I love it.

When your children are little, moms with older children often tell you to "...try not to wish the years away. Slow down and try to enjoy the moments. They go by so fast." While this is very, very true I think that while you embrace the moment you can at the same time look forward to the future. I am not saying run head on into it or rushing the day away but to appreciate the changes that may come your way.

I can remember watching my triplets as babies in the NICU and looking forward to the day I could hold them. I looked forward to the day they could have my breast milk, I could feed them- maybe even nurse them. Not long after that I looked forward to the day that suck-swallow-breath was old hat, no big deal and knowing that going home would probably soon follow. I really looked forward to that and at the same time was scared stiff of that day as well. When that day finally came I can not even begin to tell you how afraid I actually was but I can not put a finger on exactly what it was that I was afraid of. No matter, time did not stand still for my emotions to catch up and they came home whether or not I was ready emotionally or otherwise.

Soon after I remember so looking forward to the time when they would start sleeping through the night - "If I could only get a bit more sleep I think I would appreciate their infancy so much more."

They were born premature and as their actual due date approached that precious little sound that preemies make, like little lambs bleating, slowly vanished. It was such a sweet little sound with the 3 of them together in the bassinette soothing each other with their own private tones. Their little, flat puppy bent ears soon became stiffer as they popped away from their heads as their due date passed. I loved and appreciated thoroughly the special gifts of the preemie and held them tight but still I honestly looked forward to the time when they would sleep through the night.

I looked forward to when they no longer needed diapers and when they could dress themselves but knew that soon after they would be starting school and to be honest I was in no rush for this. Sure I looked forward to having a couple of hours a few times a week to myself. I could actually get in the car, drive some place, get out of the car and walk directly into a building without having to buckle, lift, mind and toddle forth. What a feeling to get in and get out of car without ever having to look in the back seat- amazing! I was excited for them to meet new children and learn new things, sing new songs and rush home to tell me.

But at the same time I was a little sad in knowing that things would never be the same once they stepped out into this brave new world of nursery school. I was in no rush for this to happen but so happy for them at how exciting it all could be. Would another adult know how to read their faces to know when they were confused, scared or sad? What would they do if someone was mean to them or hurt their feelings? I was glad that they had each other and I knew that they would be there for each other.

Once they started elementary school time really seemed to fly by. I looked forward to summer vacation as much as my gang did I think. No more homework or projects or after school sports activities. There was just so much more free time that we could do what we wished- and we did!

As grade school turned to middle school I really wanted to just put the breaks on and slow things down or even at times turn back the clock. Aside from the fact that I was just way too young to have children that old I felt like we were entering a whole new world. One that I was not in the least bit prepared for.

There were things I had not expected middle school age children to even know about never mind that I would have to keep them safe from: the internet, bullies, friends with cell phones, the opposite sex! But on the other hand they were also approaching an age when I would no longer need a baby sitter- could you imagine? How great would that be?

If I did not feel prepared for middle school I was even less prepared for high school but with this change I really tried to think of what we would need to know as parents and what limits or freedoms we would be comfortable with. Return of the sleepless nights- laying in bed waiting for the car door to close and the front door to open. But all in all high school has been great.

Really exciting changes for each of them and so very many new experiences and opportunities were placed in front of them. Just to step back and see what sort of person this little baby has become truly amazed me. This is not to say that high school has been without its own set of little bumps along the way but as we enter the home stretch all in all I have really truly enjoyed this age and stage.

My trio are now seniors in high school and I am so very, very excited for them as they plan and decide where they will go for the next 4 (or so) years and what they may like to study. I have one that just can not wait to fly the coop and move forward with her life- or "get it started" in her words. I have another who is just going with the flow. This is what you do at this time in your life and so he will do the same. The last has just loved high school and is so sad to be leaving and yet very excited (and yet scared) to be moving yet into another whole new world. I am really, really happy for each of them and so very, very proud and yet at the same time so very sad that this part of my life will be drawing to a close.

I am very grateful we still have one left at home (my youngest will be starting high school in the fall) but how do you cook for just 3 people? Or do you even bother cooking for just 3? How do you handle quiet? Do I remember quiet? How strange to get up on a Saturday morning at any old time you like and not because there is a baby crying or someone needs to get to a game. I think that I have honestly embraced their childhood every step of the way. I appreciated so much and was glad I listened to those moms of those "older children" who reminded me to do so.

When a mom of newborns asks will it get easier I tell her of course it will and it will get harder too. It is not necessarily easier or harder but just different. Every stage of parenting has its gifts and its challenges. Sometimes you really have to look hard for what these gifts may be but if you do; it is so worth it.

So even though I slowed down and enjoyed their childhood to the max it still sped by so much faster than I ever could have imagined and I am so very, very glad I stopped along the way to appreciate what an unbelievable awesome gift it is to be the parent of these great kids (sorry young adults).

I never could have imagined as I stood so very frightened in the NICU what great things were just around the corner if I could just keep on looking for them through whatever challenges, fears, sadness, frustration or rushing around I was in the midst of. If you try to focus on the all that is good and positive the challenges I have found are not necessarily what you remember first. Although I think it would be a stretch to call the first few months of their lives the "good old days"- no getting around that.

It was a tough time but not without so many wonderful experiences too. Look for them- they are there. Write them down, take the pictures and talk about them- share them. Shalom, Maureen PS - They have been sleeping through the night for quite some time now and not one of them is still in diapers!