Live Your Best Life and Fill Your “TANK” ©

Take my "TANK" quiz right now. Make a mental note of how you feel when you hear the following: (1) Your best friend achieved one of her greatest goals, (2) Someone in another department of your organization was promoted, (3) Someone you know became famous, (4) Someone you met at a party told you that "he loves what he does."

If your answers are anything but, "I'm happy for all of them," you have just been given an important life clue that you may not be living your best life.

Here's another outward sign that your life is not as satisfying as it could be. Notice the way in which you respond to someone who says, "I have great news that I want to share with you." She proceeds to tell you all about it and then you give an answer like, "Good for you." And that's all you say. Or you launch into something about yourself. Or maybe you start complaining about how things are for you and others. If you are responding in any of these ways, you are not living your best life.

Here's the challenge. You see the success of others as a mirror reflecting what's not right in your life. Rather than immediately saying, "Wow, that's great news - good for them," you're focused inward on what you're not happy about. If you're personally dissatisfied with your life, you have less to give to others.

TANK-full people, on the other hand, have plenty to give. They do four things consistently. They thank people when they deserve it. They ask others how they are doing. They notice people's accomplishments. And they are consistently kind.

TANK-full people are a reliable source of support, inspiration, and love. We cherish their presence in our lives, and most of us aspire to be like them. These special people have so much to share because they feel that they already have so much.

You often measure your happiness by what "you feel." When you focus on increasing your ability to thank people, ask others how they are doing, notice other people's accomplishments, and show kindness to others, your happiness can be measured by what "you do."

The new field of Positive Psychology guides us to think about our life as an opportunity to do three things: Use our most natural strengths, engage in activities that hold great meaning for us, and savor and enjoy our daily life as we live it. When we increase our ability to do these things every day, research demonstrates that we increase our happiness.

The good news is that all of us can increase our happiness. Positive Psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues discovered that genetics accounts for no more than 50% of our experienced level of happiness. They also found that life circumstances account for just 10% of our happiness. This leaves us with a full 40% of our happiness within our power to change. And we can often influence our circumstances too, upping our percentage of control to nearly 50%.

The TANK quiz reminds us to make the most of the 50% within our control. Gottfried Keller said, "We don't remain good if we don't always strive to become better." When we commit every day to live our best possible life, we have more to give; we're ready to nourish others with our support. So the next time we hear about someone's good news we will be able to say, "Wow, good for them. They should be excited!" Why? Our TANK is full.

David J. Pollay is an expert in the cutting-edge field of Positive Psychology. He is president of The Momentum Project. Mr. Pollay holds a Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and an Economics Degree from Yale University. Email him your thoughts and stories at david@themomentumproject.com, or call 561.265.1165.