Speak Someone’s Language and Watch Them Grow ©

When I was in college, my roommates and I decided that we needed plants to liven up our dorm suite. So we walked to the local grocery store and went shopping. We had two criteria: the plants needed to look healthy, and each one had to be of a different variety.

We bought four plants and brought them home. We put them out around the suite, and then we watered them. We decided that we would use the same size mug each time to give them their water; we wanted to get it right each time.

Two days later we watered the plants again. We were proud that we remembered. But shortly afterwards three of the four plants looked a little droopy. So we grabbed the mug and watered them all again.

Another day passed and the same three were drooping even farther, so we watered them again. And the next day, the three plants looked even worse. The fourth plant was doing fine; it looked as good as it did in the store.

Now we weren't botanists, but we knew that all the plants needed water. And the fourth plant was evidence of this; it was doing great. But somehow the others were not fairing so well. And then we figured it out; we knew what the problem was. The other three plants needed even more water. So we gave each plant a double dose of water.

And what happened to our plants? One of the plants was as healthy as ever. The other three plants looked in terrible shape when one of our friends visited and said, "You're giving them too much water." We all said defensively in a loud chorus, "What! All plants need water." And she said, "Yes, but in different amounts. One way to know is to touch the soil. If the soil is dry, the plant needs water. If the soil is wet, the plant has plenty of water."

Here's the translation of this story to Corporate America. We were acting like a typical manager. We were treating our employees the same, no matter the result. We knew how to do one thing and we poured it on when it wasn't working. Most managers think and do the same thing.

Managers forget that we all want people to "understand" us. We want people to know the "real" us. We work harder for managers who treat us as individuals and help us to be our best selves.

A number of years ago I was in a meeting with senior leaders discussing the importance of recognizing employees when they do good work. And this is what one leader said, "I rarely give out recognition; I believe my employees work harder when I keep my positive feedback in short supply."

Was his strategy effective? Yes, but with only one person. The rest of his team had individual preferences for when and how they liked to be recognized. He wasn't reaching the rest of his team. But he had a deep-set belief that everyone should get the same pint-sized ration of feedback. He eventually left the company.

You will do best when you take the time to know what brings out the strengths of your employees. How do you know what they need? The answer is simple. Touch them through your questions, your interest, and your support. They'll tell you what they need. So go ahead and put your same size mug of water away.

Give them what they need to succeed. Speak their language and watch them grow.

David J. Pollay is a syndicated columnist, and an internationally sought after speaker and teacher on how to build positive momentum in your business and life. Mr. Pollay is the founder and president of The Momentum Project, a training and consulting organization with offices in Delray Beach, Florida and Washington, D.C. Prior to founding The Momentum Project, he held senior leadership positions at Yahoo!, MasterCard, Global Payments, and AIESEC. Mr. Pollay holds a Master's Degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and an Economics Degree from Yale University. Email him your stories at david@themomentumproject.com, or call 561.265.1165.