Nurturing Strong Self-Esteem in Your Children

In his book, "The Psychology of Self-Esteem," Nathan Brandon says little can make more of a difference in our children's lives than increasing their self-esteem. He says self-esteem is the foundation on which they will build the rest of their lives. "It is," he says, "the daily food of emotional health."

Brandon says almost every three-year-old has a high sense of self worth. They feel that the world belongs to them and that they can take on any challenge presented to them. He postulates that it is when children reach school age and begin to venture more into the outside world that their self-esteem becomes challenged. By the time children reach adolescence, their levels of self-esteem vary widely. Not only can the feeling of self-worth vary among teenaged children, it can also swing from good to bad, depending on their present circumstances. During these years, the self-esteem is vulnerable and fragile. Even into adulthood, our self-esteem must be nurtured nearly daily.

How important is a good self-esteem? Children with low self-esteem may show these traits: reluctance to take risks; shying away from peers; frequently tattling on siblings; bragging about accomplishments; teasing, bullying, and putting down others; becoming defensive when confronted; easily frustrated; continually putting down self.

These traits may be normal in young children, but can be terribly harmful in an adolescent or adult.

Here are some signs that a child has a healthy self-esteem: is willing to take risks; is outgoing; makes friends easily; understands that we make mistakes and knows that we don't have to be perfect at everything; makes positive statements about self; gives compliments to others easily; is able to laugh at himself; respects himself; can say no when appropriate.

It is important to help our kids have healthy self-esteem.

Practical Parent Education says individuals develop self-esteem in four areas: physical; intellectual; social; and emotional. They have published some ways to encourage self-esteem in our homes in each of these areas:

In summary, here are some specific things we can do to build our children's self-esteem: Let your children see that you feel good about yourself; give verbal and non-verbal encouragements every day; emphasize the positive, not the negative; spend time together every day; treat your children with respect; help create situations in which your children can experience success; have reasonable expectations for your children; take your children's feelings and thoughts seriously - never belittle them.

A healthy self-esteem is a gift we can give our children that can last a lifetime. It is not always easy and needs to be consistent, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

You can contact Craig Harris at www.apparentlyso.net.