Show Your Children You Enjoy Their Company

Here's a riddle: You can't fake it. Either you do or you don't; and your children know the answer. The answer is a question.

Here's the answer: Do you enjoy your children?

I didn't ask if you enjoyed being a parent. That's a different issue. The question is do you enjoy your children? Do you like their company? Do you enjoy spending time with them - and not just on vacations and special occasions, but every day? Every ordinary Tuesday.

Children can wear on your nerves. They can tire you out. They can try your patience. Of course they can- they are children. But the question remains on the table- Do you enjoy them?

One of the most important keys to successful parenting is to show your children just that. Experts call this acceptance. Children need acceptance and not rejection. Rejection may be a general coldness or indifference to your children, or even outright neglect. Acceptance, on the other hand, means your children feel loved, welcomed, and accepted by you. It means they know that you like them and enjoy their company.

So, how do we show them that we enjoy them?

1. Be proactive. By this I mean take a walk with them before they ask you to. If you want to see my children scramble away from the TV, just watch when I say, "Hey kids, get your shoes on; let's take our bikes to the Dogwood Trails." Or, "Hey, let's go out in the back yard and throw the football." Or, "Who wants to go swimming?"

We have a long driveway, so when evenings cool some, my wife and I will announce that we're walking down to the gate. "Who wants to go?" We can't even get out the door before we have two kids and a dog running after us. It's the small things that add up to a blessed family.

The other side to this is children begging their parents to do something with them and we keep telling them no, or finally giving in begrudgingly. Children aren't fools. They feel rejection. It's not that we don't love them, but we have used all of our energy on other pursuits. I challenge us to save some of that strength for the most important people in our lives.

2. Show them affection. Hug and kiss them; scratch their backs when they sit next you. Children are wired to detect exactly how you feel about them from a very early age. Tell them plainly that you love them and that you enjoy their company. Let them hear you bragging about them to another adult.

3. Praise them whenever you can. Every child does something right every day. Tell him so. And talk to him about events that interest him. My children love it when I sit and watch a cartoon with them and laugh out loud at the tomfoolery. Sometimes I have to make myself do this, but I know how important it is.

4. Give your children guidance, advice and assistance. They crave boundaries and appreciate your expertise, even though they will go through phases when they don't realize it. Children feel rejection from their parents if their parents are indifferent toward their lives and issues. Not only is it okay for us to give our children guidance, it is our responsibility.

Children have to put up with plenty of rejection in the world, but the home is one place that should offer them a haven of love and acceptance. A place where their feelings are heard and affirmed. That's what home should be.

You can contact Craig Harris at www.apparentlyso.net.