Gnomes!

By Jason Tanamor

Happynews Citizen Journalist

In a stunning discovery, a group of kids found about 80 garden gnomes in black, plastic bags. According to the Associated Press, Sgt. Dave Adams said the children merely found them, and didn't steal them, so it's back to square one.

Rats! Foiled again!

And here they thought they solved the case... of the missing garden gnomes. The article went on to say that the officials will call people who reported their gnomes stolen to come down to identify.

When I first read this article, I first thought of the movie, "Stand By Me," where the body of Ray Brauer was discovered by Wil Wheaton and his gang. But instead of a body, the group found 80 garden gnomes. I'm still waiting for Richard Dreyfuss's voice over. "This is what the trek was for, 80 garden gnomes. One huge gnome-a-rama."

My mood quickly changed when I saw that, in the article, a woman by the name of Elsie Schnorr was one of those who would be identifying her gnomes. "I could identify every one of them. My name isn't on them, but I know which ones are mine. Most of mine are one-of-kind," she said.

Now, I don't know about any of you, but I feel sorry for Elsie Schnorr. Not because her gnomes were stolen, but she had the guts to admit that she had 30 gnomes in her yard. I'm trying to imagine what her yard looked like with the tiny statues, standing there with their full beards and beady eyes and stocking caps. They're just like Santa's little helpers. Then, if that isn't enough, two gnomes drag racing down the highway with Richard Dreyfuss's voice saying, "Go for it Ace, go for it."

I think to help solve the case of the stolen garden gnomes, the police officials should make a phone call to Scooby Doo and his gang. That way, Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scoob could wander around the state of Colorado, (possibly with guest stars Phyllis Diller, the Harlem Globetrotters, Laurel & Hardy, and the Addams Family in tow,) looking for the Spooky Island Owner. And when the crime is finally solved, the bad guy could say, "I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids."

To end things, Richard Dreyfuss, years later, could be sitting behind his desk finishing the screenplay to Scooby Doo 3 - The Case of the Missing Garden Gnomes.

Now, there's a story worth telling.

Jason Tanamor is the author of "Burrito, Illinois," and "For all the wrong reasons."

This story was produced by a Happynews Citizen Journalist.

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