Who names hurricanes anyway?

By Jason Tanamor

Happynews Citizen Journalist

Every year, beginning June 1 and ending Nov. 30, hurricane season touches the residents of Florida and some other, less electorally-important states gracious enough to be near the Atlantic Ocean.

And now, area residents have met Hurricane Dennis.

"There was scattered flooding in Florida and Georgia, and more than 550,000 customers in four states were without power, with some likely to be out for three weeks or more," according to the Associated Press.

"By 5 a.m. Monday, Dennis had weakened to a tropical depression centered over northeast Mississippi with 35 mph wind. As it moved north-northwest at 14 mph and became disorganized during the morning, rain fell across parts of the mid-Mississippi, Tennessee and lower Ohio valleys and into the Carolinas," the article continued.

A tropical depression is a little bit weaker than a tropical storm, which is a little bit weaker than a hurricane. In a tropical depression, the winds are only around 30 miles per hour, instead of the 50 mile-per-hour winds found in a tropical storm and the 120 mile-per-hour winds Category 3 Hurricane Dennis reached.

Even though Hurricane Dennis left more than half a million homes and businesses without power, residents in the area are still hesitant to move away. In fact, despite the destruction of Dennis and all the other hurricanes that batter Florida - it's still where people go to retire.

Why do retirees put up with hurricanes? I think part of it is the way we name them.

Take Hurricane Dennis, for example.

If I was sitting in my house, watching television, and some news personality told me Dennis was coming, I would think nothing of it. I mean, with a name like Dennis, how dangerous could it be? I went to school with a boy named Dennis. He's now a teacher and has three children. He's slightly overweight and losing his hair. I hear he's thinking about getting plugs.

"What? Dennis is coming? Great, I'll set one more place at the dinner table."

Giving names like Dennis to tropical depressions, tropical storms and hurricanes must be a sick ploy by Florida realtors in cahoots with the nefarious meteorologists.

Instead, hurricane names should instill fear and panic into the minds of those who are in danger from hurricanes.

If they change the names to Tropical Storm We Just Repossessed Your Car, or Hurricane Your Insurance Premiums Went Up, or even Tropical Depression Your Daughter's Pregnant and She Has No Idea Who the Father Is, maybe we'll see people begin to start saying, "You know, maybe Florida isn't for me."

Jason Tanamor is an award-winning writer and humor columnist. His articles have appeared in more than 250 publications worldwide. He's the editor of Zoiks! Online, a contributing writer for Pulse Magazine, and the author of Burrito, Illinois, and For all the wrong reasons. His website is www.tanamor.com.

This story was produced by a Happynews Citizen Journalist.

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