Salvation in a Carton

By Denise Adams

Variety is the spice of life, or is it. There's an explosion of options everywhere we turn, from intelligent vehicles that can plot an entire trip, including stops for gas, with to refrigerators that control the temperature according to the time of the day. Buying a simple pair of white cotton socks requires a degree in textiles - there are cotton socks with or without Spandex, with or without polypropylene to wick away moisture and socks with or without odor fighting fibers.

There are no longer simple solutions or choices, not even in the simple, ordinary things. Take, for example, ice cream. After a hectic work day, I'm often grocery shopping instead of plopped down on the couch where I really want to be. One afternoon, I decide a nice bowl of creamy chocolate ice cream is just the thing to perk my spirits. Forget for a moment the healthy choice of taking a brisk walk around the block, aerobics or vacuuming - we're talking working mom quick stress reliever here.

I meander over to the frozen food aisle and casually stop in front of the ice cream freezer door. I start searching for a half gallon of plain chocolate ice cream, but if there is one there, it's hidden behind a garden variety of unacceptable stress-relieving ice cream flavors. There's Neapolitan - I don't like strawberry as that's space that could've been filled with chocolate. Double chocolate chip is just vanilla ice cream with extra chocolate chips mixed in - can't fool an expert.

I grab one carton, thinking I see the word chocolate. Instead, it's chocolate mocha. I'm sorry, but coffee should be hot and in a coffee mug, not cold, solid and in a bowl. Here's a chocolate nut brownie. Brownies in ice cream are mushy and taste like uncooked cookie dough.

There's Sassy Chocolate, Cherry Chocolate, Chocolate Fudge Mousse, French Silk, Double Chocolate Fudge, Chocolate Decadence, Chocolate Almond, Death By Chocolate and Chocolate Moolinium.

Even the vanillas have exploded into a gourmet fashion line. There's Vanilla Bean, Old-Fashioned Vanilla, Western Vanilla, Home-Made Vanilla mixed with White Chocolate and Creamy Vanilla. I just want plain chocolate, I silently scream at those ice cream cartons.

Another shopper pushes her basket up next to me and sighs as she moves the silver-rimmed cartons around, obviously looking for a particular favorite.

"Where in the world do you think they hide the plain chocolate ice cream?" she asks in a weary voice. I look at her - hair uncombed since that morning, still dressed in her worn-down heels, mascara smeared under her lower eyes, lipstick faded and a run in her panty hose. She's got frozen pizzas, salad in a bag, a jar of Cheez Whiz and a big bottle of wine in her basket.

"I just need a chocolate fix," she says tiredly. "Nothing fancy, just plain old garden variety chocolate ice cream."

We're both standing there, the mirror images of each other, desperately seeking salvation in the contents of a cardboard carton from the frozen food section.

"You know we could buy the Rocky Road, pick all the marshmallows out and then pour chocolate syrup over the whole ting," I say hopefully. "Then we could pretend it was plain old chocolate ice cream."

We look at each other; smile and each throw a carton of Rocky Road into our baskets. Rounding the corner, we snag a big bottle of chocolate syrup and head to the long check-out lines that are filled with bone-tired shoppers, just like us. While I'm waiting in the line, something comes flying over the magazine racks and makes a direct landing in my basket.

"It'll hold you until you get home," my new friend tells me. I smile as I pick up the plain old chocolate bar with no almonds, no pecans and no fancy additives. Just plain old chocolate, the perfect medicine for those frayed nerves.

I think I'll save that chocolate candy bar and chop it up in the Rocky Road once I get home - it'll fill those marshmallow spaces quite nicely.

Denise Adams is a weekly columnist with The Herald-Coaster newspaper in Rosenberg, Texas and can be reached via e-mail at dhadams@herald-coaster.com.