Screwdrivers and Black Shoes

How come I know the difference between a Phillip's head and flat screwdriver but my husband doesn't understand why I need more than one pair of black shoes?

By DENISE ADAMS

I called my husband and told him I was going to be late getting home. The reason - our near-by shopping center is having a 50 percent sale on women's shoes, and I was looking for a black pump to wear to an upcoming wedding.

"Another pair of black shoes?" he asked. "Don't you have black shoes already?"

The answer is, yes, I do have a pair of black shoes. But as women know, there are black shoes and there are black shoes. There are black, low-heel pumps we gals wear to work every day. We can run for the bus stop, stand up at the copy machine for 45 minutes and then slip them off when we collapse in the kitchen chair at 5 p.m.

There are my satin black heels that go with the black evening dress I wear for special occasions and there are the black high heels I wear for church and weddings. Then there are the shiny black shoes in my closet and the suede black shoes for the winter. And the heels - there are the low-to-the-ground heels for an all-afternoon or all-evening party or meeting and the high heels for when I only have to stand up for a few minutes.

My husband just looked at me as I went through the explanation of all the different varieties of black shoes many girls stash away in their closets. This is the man who has a pair of brown shoes, a pair of black shoes, work boots and tennis shoes. Period. If the occasion requires a shoe beyond those needs, he's not going. I realized it was useless to try and explain why a woman loves having a variety of black shoes. Then I asked him a question, "How many screwdrivers do you have in the garage?"

I'm not handy around the house, but I do know the difference between a Phillips head screwdriver and a flat-head screwdriver. In the top drawer of my desk is a "Yankee Screwdriver," so named because there are six different interchangeable bits to this one screwdriver. No matter what item requires a bit of screw tightening or replacement work, this one screwdriver fits the bill. And if those don't work, my back-up plan involves a butter knife or a dime. Both work great as a make-shift screwdriver.

My husband explained a man requires at least a dozen types of screwdrivers. Sure enough, he has a toolbox and a peg board filled with screwdrivers in all shapes, sizes and lengths. He said the lawnmower requires its own special screwdriver because there are screws tucked down in the engine, and an extra-long screwdriver is required. Then there are the screwdrivers he uses for our American car and one for the foreign model he drives. And let's not forget the dozen or so screwdrivers required to put together a dresser or a child's riding toy.

At that point, he gave in, surrendering because I know he has his eye on a new set of screwdrivers as his next birthday present. About that time, the phone rang. My mom was calling to say she'd been to the mall and she picked up a darling pair of black pumps. I told her I'd just won a discussion with my husband about a woman's need for a shelf full of black shoes and the screwdriver analogy.

"But of course, honey," she said. "And in a pinch, you know a flat-head screwdriver makes a great shoe horn." As my mom reminded me, "If the shoe fits, wear it." I think I'll move that Yankee screwdriver to my shoe shelf instead of the kitchen drawer. You never know when you're going to need a handy shoe horn.

Denise Adams is a weekly columnist with The Herald-Coaster newspaper in Rosenberg, Texas and can be reached via e-mail at dhadams@herald-coaster.com.