Terror Alert: Severe risk of impolite noises

By Jason Tanamor

Happynews Citizen Journalist

Since Sept. 11, the world has beefed up security so much so it takes hours to get through the airport. Thanks to the constant reminder that the terror alert levels are up, debates about The War on Terror and Geraldo, citizens of the world have every reason to periodically completely freak out.

With the recent London bombings and terrorism threats happening everyday, people, no matter where they reside, are taking extra precautions - just in case.

For example, in Sydney, Australia, where according to a Reuters story, an Australian bus driver who called police after he found a package on his bus which emitted a strange sound when touched.

It was a whoopee cushion.

The article went on to say, "The driver found the package on the rear seat of his bus after completing his route around the Sydney beachside of Coogee Sunday. Fearing it could be an explosive device of some kind, he called the police."

The driver did this because the city of Sydney recently adopted a campaign that suggests to its residents: "If you see something, say something."

Now, this is all fine and dandy, but a whoopie cushion? That's been going on since the third grade. I'm glad I'm not in school today because the government would probably put me on trial for attempting to place a whoopie cushion on my teacher's chair. We'd have to hire Bozo the Clown as defense attorney.

I mean, I feel like people are being too cautious about the terrorism threat. And I'm not saying that because my son had just taken some novelty items to a birthday party.

Having said this, I can only imagine today's criminals:

1. Carrot Top.

2. Penn & Teller. That Teller guy never talks, which is very suspicious.

3. Ventriloquists.

4. The makers of Jiffy Pop. After all, it's the magical treat. As much fun to make as it is to eat.

I could see how there could be some legitimate concern from, say, Pop Rocks. Mix it with cola and you have an IED (Improvised Explosive Device.)

But the reason why citizens are paranoid is because people are only as secure at they want to be. Control your life, don't let it control you.

At any rate, I'm glad to see the city of Sydney going the extra mile to ensure its citizens and tourists from the grevious harm that whoopie cushions can cause. Now, all they need to do is ban Russell Crowe. Or at least, keep him away from telephones.

This story was produced by a Happy News Citizen Journalist.

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